I’m Too Washed for West Coast Trips

Photo by Wikimedia Commons on Pexels.com

I am 31 years old, and I would like to announce my retirement from staying awake to see my favorite East Coast teams on West Coast swings.

I have had a long and productive career as a fan. I’ve loved the late Monday Night Football games that they have introduced in recent years. I’ve spent many an evening watching the New York Mets fail to score a single run as Jacob deGrom demoralizes a world class Dodgers lineup. I’ve seen Michael Beasley led Knicks teams score 88 points in against the Warriors. Every inning. Every game. Every shot.

But now it’s time to say goodbye.

As I lie on the couch and reflect upon decades of fandom and sleepless nights, I recognize my time has come to an end. No longer can the manager run me out every night and expect me to stay awake on nights where the Knicks don’t have Alec Burks nor Immanuel Quickley. I may be able to push through on special occasions, but on a work night? With an 8:30 meeting the next day? I’m sorry I just can’t keep living on the verge of passing out.

I have elected to embrace being washed. I’m going to start watching games in my favorite chair rather than on the couch so that I can fall asleep sitting up in the chair as the we reach the later innings each night. A trait perfected by so many of us as we reach the opening stages of washeddom.

I think what I’ll miss most will be the late night walk-offs and buzzer beaters where you’re so wired you miss another hour or two of sleep. You text friends who may also be awake about what you all just collectively experienced despite the distance. I’ll miss the engagements on late night tweets on NBA Twitter.

What I won’t miss is the existential dread as a game goes to overtime and I’m already down to an incomprehensible six hours rest. I won’t miss the second and third coffees just to function. The accompanied anxiety and stomachaches. Being so tired I can’t concentrate or focus at work. Forcing myself to stay awake until a reasonable time so I can get back on a reasonable sleeping schedule.

I’m old, I’m tired, and I just don’t want to do it anymore. Thanks fr th mmrs.

See you on the morning Twitter scroll, scores.