Three Years Sober : A Reflection

Our main focus here at ProcrastiNation is obviously sports. I made it clear to our readers viewers and M3 when we started this site that we would bring a unique view to the world of sports and dipping our toes into the pool that is pop culture. There are certain topics in my estimation that transcend our focus and need to be commented on. Seeing that it is my site, I can comment on whatever I damn well please.

I wrote a blog last year telling everyone that I am an alcoholic and that at the time, I was clean and sober for two years. Well, I made it another year and have been able to stay clean and sober. I decided that I wanted to go back to this every year in hopes that it will help someone on their journey. I decided that I needed to do more and try to be an outlet for people who are trying to get sober, that is why I have started 3V Sobriety. Please, go follow us on instagram @3vsobriety and get an idea for what we are trying to do, the money we are raising and the people that we plan to help.

I think alcoholism can stem from a variety of places and occur at various points in our lives. I started drinking when I was about 17 and for the next eight years there was a handful of nights that I didn’t have a drink, get drunk or blackout. That’s the sad but humbling truth. At first, like most people, I started drinking to “fit-in” and to have a good time, but I soon realized that drinking made me feel invincible, it took my problems away, it took the depression and anxiety away, I felt like I was on top of the world.

It’s never a pity party, I chose to drink and I have had to be tough in my life to get to where I am now. It has been far from sunshines and rainbows. Throughout my entire childhood and into young adulthood, I had a front row seat to one of if not the most dysfunctional marriages in the history of humankind. My father was a terrible husband, he treated my mother horribly, he cheated on her multiple times and every single time, my mother would bring him back and for us kids, we were happy. I grew older and saw the pain that my mother didn’t really show people and never let us kids see it until he was officially gone and she would relentlessly disparage him to me, that made this situation even more difficult.

While dealing with the parental situation, at the age of ten I was diagnosed with a life threatening rare muscle disease called Dermatomyositis. Dermatomyositis is probably the only thing that me and legendary actor, Laurence Olivier had from 1974 to his eventual death in 1989. The disease led to Olivier’s kidneys to shut down and he passed away. I was a kid, I battled this disease and still battle it to a certain extent and I didn’t discuss my displeasure or my illness or my parents situation with anyone, I buried it for years. When I had an opportunity to get my hands on Jack Daniels, I never looked back, this shit was like a medicine that worked 100% of the time and it worked pretty fucking rapidly too.

Over the years I went to a couple of people really close to me and told them I had a drinking problem and they blew it off, I was shocked, I said to myself, well, maybe there is no problem, keep drinking, keep killing yourself. So, I did, I kept drinking, drinking heavily, being irresponsible, being an asshole but I was self-medicating, I was doing it to function, to not be depressed to not try and kill myself again, yeah I tried that once as well, this was me, I was dependent on using to be happy, less anxious, less paranoid, less sad, all of it revolved around alcohol, I needed it, or so I thought.

I think now more than ever, in this day and age we all need to do a better job as people, on all levels, there is always room to grow. The thing is, we are all human we have all made mistakes, regretted decisions, embarrassed ourselves – that’s everybody, every single person on earth eventually has those realizations. It took me a long time and I still struggle with the fact that we cannot change our past behaviors and actions, we can only try to grow and get better, that is the sign of a good person. The ability to acknowledge our wrong doing and our faults and turn the negatives into eventual positives. The experience of getting sober has done so many wonders for me but one of the main things I take pride in is that I am less judgmental and I try to relate to everybody and realize that most things are forgivable and we all have to give each other second chances to show that growth is possible.

I started 3V Sobriety so that I could help struggling addicts, people who are trying to get sober. There is a real miracle in helping people get better and I was fortunate enough to have people in my corner who were there and still are there for me on my journey. Not everybody has that luxury, that is the harsh reality of being an addict. That’s why 3V was started to be an outlet for people that need help and to eventually have fundraisers to bring in money for addiction facilities, AA groups and treatment facilities.

There are so many people that I need to thank for helping me get to where I am. First off, my wife, she is amazing in every way and I try everyday to be the best husband, grow and become exactly what she deserves, she saved my life. In addition to her, I have a best friend, Stevie Ray who is like a brother to me. His girlfirend, Kae and him have been an extended family and have been beyond supportive. The Goodies, who lives hours away from me but whenever i need a pick me up he is there. My other friends Chris, Paolo, Stevie, Danny, Leah,Doyle, Jimmy, Q and so many more. My family at ProcrastiNation, M3, T, Big Ben, Mikey C – I love all you guys. A special shoutout to my friend and mentor Dill, without you man I would be in such a darker and worse place than I am now, you took me by the arm and got me help, I am forever grateful for you.

You gotta keep fighting and you can come out on the other side and in a better place, I am here to help if you want it. I mean that, anybody, reach out to us and we are here to help you get to a place in your life where you finally feel proud of yourself, I am living proof that it can happen. Hear, hear to the ProcrastiNation!