That’s What Friends Are For…

We are firmly in the fifth month of the pandemic and quarantine, I have thought about a lot of things, one of those things is the evolving friendships that we experience in life. A lot of people that I have spoken with have said that they are thankful for the ability to video chat barbecue it has helped them stay close with friends during the pandemic, for me, the changing tides of friendship started before the pandemic.

The two things I can firmly say in my life is that I am a good husband and a good friend. I always make it a point to reach-out to my friends or plan trips and try to keep the lines of communication open. I grew up with a bit of a tumultuous family life and a lot of the time, I confided in my friends and viewed them as family, as you get older, life gets busier and friendships begin to drift, I have taken it upon myself to attempt to keep all my friends close. The reality of the situation is that as we get busier, certain relationships become more important and I always feel like I am the one to reach out, perhaps I need to realize that I am not as important to friends as they are to me. This is a common theme that I have discussed with people who have had similar experiences.

I got married two years ago and the guys who stood by my side on the day of my wedding were the fellas that I considered my best friends, my most trusted confidants. I look up at a picture of us that hangs in my “man cave” and I have realized that anytime I want to talk to those guys, it is me who is reaching out to them, checking in and seeing how they are. There’s nothing wrong with that, I have accepted that role in our friendship, but I realized that my “best friends” are not necessarily the people I talk to the most or even tell certain things to anymore. It’s a weird situation, as we got older, I have found friends who I talk to more than those guys in that picture and I ask myself the question, are those guys still my best friends or are they people who I valued more than they valued me? That is the harshest reality of growing up. As I have gotten older, sober and tried to focus my attention on things that matter, one of those things was to attempt to continue relationships with those guys, my best friends but perhaps I need to re-focus that energy and put it into another aspect of my life, a tough choice that I think every person needs to make as they get older.

You know, I get that people get busy, that life becomes fast paced, people move to different geographic locations and priorities change but for some reason, I never thought the relationships with that group of guys would change. For some reason, I thought we would meet up every year, be playing golf together when we were old but perhaps things change. The harsh reality of life is that things that matter to us, don’t always matter to people and we need to focus on the people who are there for us, maybe they are now our “best friends” and as time goes on, we can re-focus our energy onto people who make effort for us.