Day 3 Of Quarantine: I Am At My Breaking Point

There was once a time where I woke up every morning and began my commute to work where I would envision a World where a commute did not exist, where I could roll out of bed, scramble to my work computer and begin the day from the comfort of my home, I would think to myself, what a wonderful existence that would be. Well, day three into that exact existence and I am at my breaking point, I have had enough and I am longing for the opportunity to head back into my office as soon as possible.

This quarantine experience has been an absolute poop show from jump street. On the morning of day 1, I awoke from my sleep at around 2:30AM with stomach pain that is near indescribable. I proceeded to spend the next five and a half hours projectile vomiting. At one point I yelped out “there cannot be anything left in my system!” Thank God my wife was there to take care of me because this was a sickness that I haven’t experienced, not even in my drinking days when the alcohol would cause the vomiting, this was unbearable. My legs were weak, I couldn’t get up, I was laying on the bathroom floor, huddled up with a blanket, resting my head on the toilet. Although my company is letting us work from home, I had to call them on Monday morning and take a sick day, I was so sick that I couldn’t even attempt to work from the comforts of my bed, the puke and poop was coming at any second. The last thing I needed was to be on a conference call and then the five alarm bell goes off and it is a mad dash to the nearest toilet, sink, bucket or trash can.

Before this quarantine took place, I went to the grocery store and prepared for the days inside the house. Got every good snack you could possibly imagine and was ready to chow down while I worked my 9-5 and then watched Netflix and blogged all night long. That didn’t happen, the last few days have been a steady diet of freeze-pops and toast, I ate my first real meal tonight, just some pasta, salad and Italian bread and it is a disaster. I am actually writing this blog from my personal throne, trying to work out the stomach crisis all while dealing with viral crisis, so many crisis’, so little time.

The other part of this outbreak that I have to address is my neighbors. The kids are home all day from school, screaming, singing awful songs and jumping on a trampoline like they are competing in the 2020 backyard olympics. On top of that, their ruckus is causing the dogs on every side of my house to bark uncontrollably from 9AM to 8PM. Something needs to be done. It’d be a real shame if someone went and dismantled the trampoline in the middle of the night, a real shame. Kids come outside and the trampoline is piled high, a metal graveyard, while I sit on my deck, smoking a Marlboro Red (no filter), drinking black decaf coffee and filling out TPS reports. Sweet victory.

Literally, the best part of my day is actually working, at least I am busy and it helps kill some time, when the work day is finished I become miserable, there is no sports and there are only so many bullshit TV shows that I can binge before I want to rip my eyeballs out. PSA, before this quarantine I thought people who disliked sports were odd but I thought they were experiencing so much more while I wasted my time with sports… NOPE, you are the biggest weird-o’s in the United States, that’s a fact.

All we can do is continue this effort tomorrow, wake up, and do our part by staying inside and hopefully sooner rather than later the healthy order will be restored and we can all go back to bitching about how great it would be if we could sit on our ass, eat m&m’s and watch Netflix all day. Hear, hear to the Procrastination.