The Bachelor Episode XI: The Finale Pt. Uno

Welcome back Bachelor Nation, buckle up for what I expect to be the wildest finale in show history. If you have made it this far, I am proud of you. We have dealt with indecision, drama, crying, more crying, champagne, pillow talk, pillow fights and a whole bunch of roses. It is time to see how Pilot Pete’s journey for love concludes, will he have clear skies and smooth sailing or will it be an abrupt and bumpy landing? Pete. Madison. Hannah Ann. Sit back, relax and let’s get this started! Night one of the two part season finale is here:

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The one, the only – Ronnie The Limo Driver

We arrive in Alice Springs, the red center of the Outback, Australia. Let’s briefly touch on the greatest chain restaurant in the history of our country, the gold standard for excellence that is the Outback Steakhouse. Alice Springs Chicken is delightful. I could do an entire blog on the Outback and honestly it would probably be better than commenting on Pete’s skin tight capri pants and him smiling ear to ear like a moron. I can’t do that, here we are, we need to finish this road of nonsense that is the Bachelor.

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Peter’s Mom, Dad and Brother show up in Australia and get settled in and ready to meet Hannah Ann. Before that, Peter informs his family of the ultimatum that was laid upon him by Madison. Hannah Ann shows up and immediately begins crying, the theme of this awful season of the Bachelor. She tells Peter’s parents every cliche that you can possibly think of, she’s talking in circles, cliche after cliche, puke worthy. Peter’s Mom calls Hannah Ann breathtakingly gorgeous but she is concerned about how fast Peter can fall in love. Time for Peter’s Mom and Hannah Ann to have a nice little sit down, alone, one-on-one. More crying from Hannah Ann, Peter’s Mom is eating it up.

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Hannah Ann meets with Pete’s Dad, Mr. Weber is an ELECTRIC FACTORY, he looks like a naughtier version of Oscar nominee, Sam Elliott mixed with a dash of 1980’s Tom Selleck. I mean this guy, is dripping with old man swagger, he’s got the Tommy Bahama shirt down to his belly button practically, solid gold chain, thick mustache, salt and pepper hair, skin tight jeans and leather thong sandals. The Australian single circuit that Mr. W’s values the sanctity of marriage or it would be an absolute wash out in the Australian Outback.

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Madison has seemed to make a very good impression on Peter’s family, Peter informs his smokeshow of an old man that he loves to women and he has no idea who he wants to spend the rest of his life with. It is game-time for Madison, she arrives and shares a long embrace with Peter, he tells the camera that he is so in love with Madison and he wants to do whatever he can to make this relationship work. Madison is visibly still struggling following the previous rose ceremony, she is hurt and continually hammering Peter for his actions with Hannah Ann and Victoria during fantasy suite week. Peter asks Madison to have her tell him how she feels because this entire time, she has not expressed to him how she has felt about them and she has failed to realize that he is in relationships with other girls, not just her. Peter has stood up to the criticism and I for one give him credit for this. On one side of the coin, if he actually loved Madison he should not have slept with the other girls but on the flip side of that coin, he was exploring the entirety of his relationship with Victoria and Hannah Ann.

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Side note: NCAA Hoop Conference Championship week has begun and North Dakota State is in the process of choking away a once insurmountable lead and Scors is not too thrilled with this, in addition, Coastal Carolina needs to figure it out immediately. Back to Pete and Madison.

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Barstool’s Big Cat, legend of the game.

Madison and Peter have spent the last two weeks huddled together whispering about the same thing with zero progress being made. This is why this season has been unbearable, it’s like we are Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, same rhetoric, shoved down our throat week in and week out. Peter and Madison agree that they both have love for each other and they need to push forward, to see if love can conquer all.

Madison and Peter discuss their concerns with Peter’s family and it is obvious that there seems to be some tension between Madison and Peter and it is clear that their family is leaning heavy towards the fact that Madison makes Peter conflicted. Then Pete’s brother pulls Pete aside and reminds him that his entire reputation on this show has been that he gets intimate with every girl he comes in contact with and that Madison is a virgin. Peter gets upset. . . Well, he would be even more upset if he heard Peter’s mom grill Madison and tell her that her ultimatum to her son was unfair because he was dating other girls, not just her. Madison stands up and fights for herself, a long, emotional, hard fought day has come to a close and Madison and Peter’s relationship seems to be on the ropes.

After Madison leaves, Peter’s Mom begins to sob uncontrollably and she tells Peter that Madison is not there for him. Peter looks devastated by the news. Peter’s Mom says that God has put Hannah Ann in Peter’s life and she is an angel on earth and Hannah Ann is the right person, Madison is far from it. A mother’s intuition is never wrong. I LOVE IT, BRING ON THE DRAMA BABY!

The more I think about it, I agree with Peter’s Mom, Hannah Ann loves Peter and after all this back and forth, I think she seems far more normal than Madison. Pete’s Mom says that Peter is now becoming Hannah B from last season, he has a girl who loves him and he is going down the road and choosing the wrong person. Peter is getting defensive, his Mom begins to cry again, his brother is seconds away from calling him a moron on National Television, Peter’s Dad is quietly oiling up his chest hair in the background, gotta get ready to catch those UV rays. Peter’s Mom is sobbing telling Peter to go bring Hannah Ann home and Peter tells her she needs to stop doing this, she can’t be crying and dismissing Madison entirely. This is phenomenal television.

We arrive in Norther Australia, Peter is dealing with this conflict the best way that he possibly can. Madison emerges from an airplane and jumps into Peter’s arms and they share a passionate smooch. It’s time for a helicopter ride to a giant rock that has spiritual meaning for the Australian people. Romance at its finest boys and girls. Hopefully you don’t love this international scenery, the corona virus has grounded filming in the U.S. for Clare’s upcoming season of the Bachelorette, let’s send it back to Cleveland, the city of love, cannot wait for that.

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Madison is experiencing doubt, she tells the producers that her and Peter are completely different people and she feels like this relationship could possibly be over. Peter is unaware of this development and this appears that it could be ending horribly for our boy Peter. Madison drops a bomb on Peter and tells him that she loves him but she doesn’t see them being able to give each other what they need and she is ready to walk away from this journey, she is ready to surrender and let Peter find what he came on this show to find. Madison cannot get over the fantasy suites and that their lifestyle, ideas of marriage and life outside of the show is vastly different, she doesn’t want to change and she doesn’t think it is fair to ask Peter to change. Madison says she wants this to work but she needs to be realistic and she doesn’t feel that her and Peter are compatible enough to make this work, they are not the best match for each other. Peter is visibly heart broken. This relationship, for the time being, appears to be at the end of the line.

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You can actually pin-point the second his heart breaks

Finally, we get an appearance from Chris Harrison, he meets with Peter to discuss the fallout from Madison leaving. Peter tells Chris that he wanted to try and make this relationship work and he is at a crossroads on how to proceed. Peter tells Chris that he is in fact in love with Hannah Ann but he doesn’t know if he can continue and let Madison walk out of his life. Hannah Ann arrives for her one-on-one date with Peter, she is in love with Pete Weber and all I can think about is …

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WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? I AM!

Hannah Ann and Peter get a date to hang out with baby Kangaroos in a Kangaroo sanctuary. Pretty cool experience, I would love to have a Kangaroo and raise it like a dog, that’s the type of pet ownership that I could get behind. Obviously it would suck if the kangaroo that I raised since birth eventually turned on me in a Siegfried and Roy type of attack, but that seems like a risk worth taking.

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Hannah Ann reaffirms her love for Peter but she recognizes that something seems off with Peter and she doesn’t feel like he is reciprocating the feelings that she has been giving to him. She is hopeful that by the end of this date Peter will have the same feelings. It is night time in Australia and it is time for this relationship to take the next steps or to end in the Outback. Hannah Ann looks absolutely stunning, pulling out all the stops in order to hold onto her man. Peter feels “bitter sweet” about this moment with Hannah, he tells her that she has been his rock from the first night of this journey. Hannah Ann tells him about how much she loves him and wants to be with him and the awkwardness is palpable, as Jerry Seinfeld would say, there is a pretty big matzah ball out there.

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Peter tells Hannah Ann that he appreciates her always being there for him but he feels his heart being pulled in two different directions, he is confused and struggling with finishing this journey. Hannah Ann begins to cry, she can see the writing on the wall, she feels like she has given so much and has not received the return in affection from Peter at this point. Peter has less than twenty-four hours to decide whether or not if he will propose to Hannah Ann, she is at her breaking point and this experience is becoming evermore painful for her. The indecision that has plagued this entire season is once again at the forefront, it seems fitting, it wouldn’t have been Pilot Pete’s season if the indecision wasn’t highlighted at this journeys most crucial point.

There you have it, one episode left, tomorrow night, we will be back. Madison will be back, Peter’s Mom has more advice to give and the ending will be phenomenal, we will see you tomorrow night.