The Bachelor Episode IX: Unlock Your Fantasy-Suites

Welcome back everyone! Another Monday night means another night of the greatest reality TV show in human history, The Bachelor. Kelsey was eliminated last week and we are down to three remaining ladies; Victoria, Madison and Hannah Ann, let’s get to it:

We start where we left off last week, inside the airplane hangar where Madison has to pull Peter outside and informs him that she is “saving herself for marriage” and that she is in fact a virgin. It wouldn’t be a recent season of the bachelor if we didn’t shove the virginity story line down the viewers throat.

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Madison basically gives Peter an ultimatum and says that if he sleeps with someone else during fantasy suites then she is going to find it hard to continue on this quest for love. I understand someone has certain beliefs and is very spiritual but the fact that she is giving Peter this ultimatum by saying “actions speak louder than words” is pretty messed up in my opinion. In addition, it doesn’t appear that she has officially told him that she is a virgin just yet, she has skirted around the point with Peter has made it clear to producers but we have not had an official statement to Pilot Pete. Look, I respect everyone’s different beliefs but you know what you are getting into when you sign up for this show and to ask him to forego fantasy suites with the other relationships he has because of a set of particular beliefs is a diluted thought process.

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We are heading to the land down under … touche Bachelor producers, we will be having fantasy suite week in Australia. The beautiful Australian wildlife and landscape can’t mask all the drama and craziness that is brewing inside the head of Madison and the two other remaining ladies are bracing themselves for collateral damage. For the first time ever, the producers have decided to make all three women stay at in the same hotel for fantasy suite week, you can cut the tension with a knife.

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Peter shows up in the tightest, shortest bathing suit I have seen in recent memory, he takes a look at the crowded hotel room to welcome the ladies to the Gold Coast. With limited chit-chat, he invites Hannah Ann on the first one-on-one date for this week, Madison is still confident that Peter won’t sleep with anyone else. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. Oh, i’m sorry, did I bust my spleen from laughing out loud, that was unprofessional of me.

Back to the action, a little jet-skiing fun on the water for these two love birds. Hannah Ann has been more tolerable lately in my opinion, she has grown on me, I think she would be my choice at this point, she’s got the looks, bubbly personality and Peter seems to laugh a lot with her. The question I have for Hannah Ann is, does she actually like Peter or is she using the fame to her advantage, the only remaining lady who I know is here 100% for Peter would be Madison. These two lovers share a passionate and fiery make out session on the beach as the sun goes down, you don’t get romance like that, not even in an airport paperback.

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Back at the hotel, Madison and Victoria start to chat about the previous weeks and how they are holding up mentally. . . Commercial break but wait a minute! A promotion for the senior edition of bachelor! The golden years for eligible olds, I can’t wait for this, inject it into my veins!

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Nighttime has fallen on the Gold Coast and Hannah Ann shows up to dinner in one of the ugliest dresses I have ever seen. I’m confident that Lara Flynn Boyle’s swan dress was a better look than what Hannah Ann grabbed out of the closet this evening. The two share their commitment to each other and Peter pulls out an envelope inviting Hannah Ann to the fantasy suite, she tells Peter she is in love with him and accepts the invitation to the “boom boom room” AKA The Fantasy Suite. This penthouse suite is decked out from top to bottom with an outdoor hot tub, champagne, a gorgeous view of Australia and a dessert spread that any chunky blogger would love. Speaking of desserts, I love chocolate raspberry Milano cookies, I am on cookie number seven right now and there is no end in sight, a trail of crumbs falls down on my keyboard as I plug through continuing to type for you, the readers. While I was in between cookie number 7 and 8, Peter and Hannah Ann hopped into bed, shut off the lights and asked us the American people to exit the fantasy suite. Have fun you two!

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Hannah Ann returns back to the hotel, Victoria and Madison ask for the details and Hannah Ann is as tight lipped as a wax figure in a roadside freak show. Madison continues to pace the hotel, and starts to panic, she has a feeling that Hannah Ann and Peter went all the way and it seems like it is too much for her to handle. It is time for date number two, Victoria begins to get ready to meet Peter and to see if they can finally get over their rocky, up and down relationship.

Victoria and Peter take a helicopter ride into the mountains where they sit on a cliff overlooking a waterfall and share a chilled glass of champagne. Nothing goes together quite like alcohol and sitting on the edge of a cliff, tale as old as time. This relationship has lasted longer than I think anyone would have thought, from non-stop crying to fighting in the streets to not meeting her family but here they are, one of the final three relationships, during the most controversial and relationship building weeks of this entire journey.

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Victoria and Peter sit-down for dinner and the fun, happy go lucky day is slowly starting to unravel, the serious conversations are occurring about previous relationships and Victoria’s whiny voice and Peter talking about “defending his heart” yet again are at the forefront. Then, as Victoria starts to cry because of her feeling of disappointing Peter, good ol’ Pilot Petey tells Victoria that he thinks their relationship is amazing and he appreciates the struggles they have overcome together. These two have found a mutual ground of understanding and appreciating each other, the fantasy suite card is offered and Victoria happily accepts this invitation, drink your Gatorade Peter, back to the fantasy suite!

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Victoria tells Peter that she has fallen in love with him and even though Victoria has seemed crazy at times, she really appreciates Peter and for the first time she is being treated as any lady deserves. The more Victoria is on screen the more I feel for her and hope she finds love sooner rather than later because I think she gets a bad wrap. Back at the hotel, Madison is struggling more than ever, she is at her breaking point.

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The Peter and Victoria relationship has grown far stronger and although I still think she is going to be sent home at the conclusion of this episode, I think she deserves a spot in the final two. She has put in a lot of work for Peter and battled a lot of struggles to say in the running to be Peter’s future bride. Madison is continuing to wax poetic back at the hotel, she hasn’t shut-up for roughly 45 hours. Madison looks like she is going to go chug that champagne that Victoria and Peter shared and do a Dr. Richard Kimbell plunge into a watery grave, she is struggling.

The third and final date, Peter and Madison and almost instantly, you can see that Peter likes Madison the best. It’s not even remotely close. Let me go on record and say it is messed up that the producers knew of Madison’s ultimatum and hesitance towards the fantasy suites and decided to put all three girls together in the hotel just so Madison would be torutred. In order to take the edge of Peter has decided that for his and Madison’s date that they would jump off of a skyscraper together, that should calm her nerves. The way that these two kiss each other is straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel, I mean they are clearly in love and now I think the other two girls are playing for second place.

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Back at the hotel Hannah Ann and Victoria discuss the fact that Madison has not told Peter that she is a virgin and they discovered the ultimatum that she laid out to him. Victoria and Hannah Ann are pissed at Madison and they don’t believe Peter does not deserve to be put in the position to feel bad for his fantasy suite week decision making.

It is time for Madison and Peter to enjoy the evening portion of their date, there is a lot to be discussed between these two and you would have to assume that Madison would need to tell him of her beliefs and values. Peter looks into the camera and tells the World that he is in love with Madison, she is the only girl that he has vocalized this about, big move Petey boy.

The moment has arrived, Madison has told Peter that she is a virgin and she will give her husband her body, soul and spirit. I respect her for being true to herself but she just told Peter that if he slept with the other girls than she cannot see herself staying with Peter and I don’t think that is fair to Peter. You had to expect that what Peter did during fantasy suite week would potentially happen if you decided to go on this show. You know, this stuff is too heavy and I am nobody to comment on these hard hitting life questions, this show is supposed to be about things I can relentlessly make fun of and make all of you laugh but this episode has taken a turn to serious town and I for one am not as uncomfortable as Peter looks right now but it’s getting close.

Peter looks like an emotional wreck, he can sense that he is going to lose Madison, he sucks it up and tells Madison that he was intimate during fantasy suite week. A hush falls over the crowd and both of these people look like they want to cry, potentially Peter is realizing that the intimacy wasn’t worth losing Madison, who knows but this is as heavy as the Bachelor can get. Madison is struggling to control her emotions and excuses herself from the dinner table (where shockingly, no food was eaten) she heads outside and begins to ball her eyes out. The drama has reached its pinnacle. The tears are pouring down Peter’s face as well, this is a disaster for both Peter and Madison, these repercussions might be too much to overcome.

Peter goes outside to try and talk to Madison and try to resolve whatever last chance of a future they have together. Peter apologizes to Madison as they lean on each other and cry, their words becoming more and more difficult to understand over the muffled microphones filled with sniffling and tears. Madison is hurt, she tells Peter she cannot change who is she is and what she believes in and a long silence falls over these two and Madison tells Peter that she doesn’t know if she can continue. Peter urges her to not walk away.

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A long kiss on the forehead, Madison walking away from Peter into the night and the ending of an emotional filled episode. Until next time bachelor fans, thanks for tuning in.