Just when you thought the Browns couldn’t get any dumber, they go and pull a stunt like this and totally……look more idiotic than ever before. The Browns laid to rest their beloved mascot, Swagger, before they sent him on his way to doggy heaven, they had an open casket funeral for him, complete with an online live stream. Yes, you read all of that accurately. To add insult to injury, the Browns had Swagger Jr. in attendance and posed him for a picture in front of his predecessors casket. Well, Swagger Jr and his red rocket were visibly exposed.
I mean this is quite possibly the saddest photo in dog history. The Browns acted like it was completely normal to have a live stream of a dog funeral and then plaster the aforementioned dead dog all over the internet, delightful PR decision by Cleveland.. NOT!
Do I like the idea of honoring a legendary mascot, who has been one of the brightest spots in Cleveland sports in recent memory? Yes, I certainly do, but you have to ask yourself the question, was the idea of a closed casket not floated around the big brain room at Browns headquarters? I was hoping that like in the movies, they would be sitting around a big mahogany table, struggling for a proper and appropriate idea and the newly hired intern would emerge with coffee and say “what about a closed casket and video montage to honor swagger”. Brilliant! That’s not what occurred, in the midst of trying to spin-zone their fans to believe in Baker Mayfield and to convince everyone that OBJ isn’t a freak show, the Browns got lost in their own web and held an open casket funeral for a dead dog. The more I type that phrase out, I can’t wrap my head around the fact that someone thought this was a good idea. As they say, hindsight is 20/20, ain’t that the goddamn truth. Also, let’s not forget about the actual owners of this dog, Fred and Debby McLaughlin. How much attention do you need? Are you that hungry for fame and recognition that you need to have your dog who died three weeks ago, to be paraded out to the masses of people in an open casket funeral, you and the Cleveland Browns are both a laughing stock.
Dogs are one of the few pure pleasures that us as humans have and for us to allow open casket dog funerals in 2020 is banana land. We could have come up with multiple better ideas and we certainly could have done without the Swagger Jr. erection in the middle of the funeral service. I admittedly didn’t get a chance to see the live stream but were the human adults in this room extremely uncomfortable? I have to think that would be the reaction throughout the room. Like, hey guys, we are sitting here at a dog’s funeral and it is becoming increasingly odd that the casket is open, maybe someone forgot to close it before this started?
We are trying to enjoy our weekend and we get slapped in the face with the most depressing and uncomfortable funeral in recent memory. Rest easy, Swagger, you deserved better than this type of exit from this cruel, cruel world. I hope your heavenly doghouse is spacious and there are endless amounts of dog treats for this good boy.
It is now time for Swagger Jr. to take up the mantle that was left behind by Swagger, certainly, big paws to full but god willing, Swagger Jr. will be able to answer the call of duty. The Browns are a tremendous disaster and this is another reminder that sports fans in Cleveland are followed around by a dark cloud that continually pours down upon them. In honor of Swagger’s red rocket… cue the music!