I’m At War With Spectrum

I’m back from vacation, everyone can breathe a sigh of relief. I had a Disney blog ready to put up but that had to take a backseat because your mom’s favorite blogger is at war with the cable and internet service that goes by the name of Spectrum.

I am currently sitting inside of a Starbuck’s that is busier than Grand Central Station at rush hour, I am wedged between a gaggle of 85 year old women who are giving me a live production of “The View” and on the other side, two giant 50 something year old guys who clearly played some level of competitive football. Here I am, barely squeezing between these two groups of people, T-REX arming to my keyboard just to pump out content to you, the people of ProcrastiNation. If you know me, you know how dedicated I am to blogging because I hate Starbucks. They have great coffee but anyone who calls their sizes “Venti” “Grande” and whatever else are some of the most pretentious assholes in America; if you happen to not order correctly, you get a sharp look from someone who calls themselves a “barista” and judges you for not knowing the inner workings of this hippie cult. Listen folks, I am in a bad mood.

I returned home late last night from my vacation to discover that not only my internet but my cable was not working. Nothing, big ol’ heaping pile of emptiness. In the year of our lord 2020, I am living in a society that can’t figure out how to deliver Wi-Fi and cable services without interruption. I called Spectrum and the answer I get, they can be at my house sometime on Monday, Monday?!!!? So, no NBA All -Star Game, no blogging, no streaming, what do you expect me to do for two and a half days? Exercise, housework, reading? Think again morons.

The customer service I received was a C+ at best and Scors is not happy, I have Direct TV on speed dial and the problem is that I don’t hate Spectrum but I feel like I need to prove a point here. Here’s my resume DirectTV:

MLB Extra Innings Package – Yes, every year
NFL Specialty Package plus Sunday Ticket – Sure, I need that now that I don’t live in the Giants area anymore
HBO – Need it, Larry David is my idol, I need Curb and instant access of True Detective and the Sopranos
Every Sports Package/Food Package – Yeah, I am a chunky, recovering alcoholic blogger with a gambling addiction, what do you think?

With all the premiums I need with my TV service the executives at DirectTV will be able to bring their entire extended family on the most extravagant vacation they can think of. Admittedly, I hovered over my keyboard for about three minutes trying to come up with a fancy vacation and I got as far as Florida or Myrtle Beach, I guess high societal living isn’t at the forefront of my thinking, blogger of the people.

The biggest question becomes what type of Internet do I get if I leave Spectrum, I need quality WiFi and Internet services to blog and watch Howard Stern videos on YouTube, this is serious stuff people. I don’t have the first clue what a good service is, so if you know, comment on this blog and help me out. I have entertained you for a few months now and I need help. I can’t keep coming to Starbucks and deal with this type of human interaction much longer, I am hammering Monster Energy and dipping Skoal like a possessed truck driver while some nineteen year-old barista named Chad stares at me wondering why I have not ordered a Vanilla Sweet Creamed Cold Brew. Well, for one, I have crippling anxiety and the caffeine would ruin my day and secondly, I am out for blood, to spit in the face of the corporate structures who have made us crawl to their throne and kiss their feet, no more, I am leading the charge. Seriously though, please help me with the internet/cable decision, I can only watch so many DVD’s and beat the computer in Madden before I snap and lose my mind.