The Disney Villain Countdown

As many of you know I have an upcoming vacation with Mrs. Scors otherwise known as the ProcrastiNation Princess. Fellow blogger Stevie Ray and his lovely girlfriend are also coming. Our destination, the happiest place on earth, Walt Disney World. As my excitement continues to build, I was cycling through some of the Disney films and recalling memories from my childhood past. I haven’t been to Disney since I was like 11 years old, so I am looking forward to this trip as an adult. The films got me thinking, some of these “bad guys” are pretty dark and the villain catalog of Walt Disney runs deep. As a child you miss the underlying messages and don’t get all the “adult” humor that they slip in.

I got enthralled in some Disney movies over the week and I decided to breakdown my top five Disney villains. Again, some of these storylines are messed up, especially for a children’s movie. I didn’t realize it until I started really thinking about some of these childhood classics.

5. Gaston (Beauty and the Beast) – This guy is something folks, we are clearly going to avoid his rampant steroid use, the guy literally looks like the 1988 version of Jose Canseco. He is a chauvinistic personality, who demands Belle date him and thinks it is expected that she follows every one of his ridiculous offers. He also treats his little buddy Lefou like garbage, we don’t stand for that here at this blog, we are one of the biggest pro women and littler person blog that I know. Then the cherry on top of this idiot sundae, Maurice, Belle’s father, comes asking Gaston for help and instead of helping this guy they toss him in a basement and say, this guy is a lunatic. Gaston has one of the biggest egos I have ever seen, I would know a thing or two about ego, believe you me. He also leads a mob attack against a beautiful historically preserved castle and then vandalizes the joint and tries to destroy several household items. I mean, who does this guy think he is, he’s awful and honestly, he is one of the nicer of the Disney villains.

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4. Claude Frollo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame) – This guy is a complete creepy freak show.As if the church hasn’t suffered enough with creeps ruining their image, Disney doubles down and says here you go kids, listen to your parents and go to church! Meanwhile the kids are saying, are you guys serious?!? Have you seen this Frollo character that has literally locked a guy in a cathedral because he looks a little different? He’s up there ringing bells and talking to gargoyles because this doofus says he’s too “different looking” to leave the bell tower. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he tries to burn a woman at the stake. Yes, you heard me correctly, in a Disney film a psychotic old man attempts to burn a woman at the stake. Once again, Disney says the burning of the woman at the stake isn’t enough to drive the point across, Frollo sets the entire city of Paris on fire including the cathedral and then we have images of children running for their lives away from the flames of a city on fire. Talk about some good old fashion family fun at the cinema am I right!! Honestly, as I write this, this dude should be number one or two but I am way too lazy to format this again with the numbers and such and it’s a blog about the villains of Disney so suck it up and rearrange these rankings anyway you want.

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3. Ursula (The Little Mermaid) –  This curvaceous sea creature who I think is an octopus, but I am not really sure, I’m not an expert on sea life, sciences or really anything other than the Dodgers and Bruce Springsteen lyrics so let’s just go with it. She is pretty sinister, she makes deals with mermaids and steals their voice so that she can use it to lure people to their untimely deaths. She has a collection of former mermaids who have signed their life away and couldn’t come through on their end of the bargain, plot twist, they aren’t mermaids anymore, they are deformed looking sea urchins now. It’s a pretty horrific scene for a children’s movie. Ursula then is able to get King Triton’s … triton, looks like the creative minds at Disney didn’t really search their brains for a more unique name, just said, oh he has a triton, let’s go with King triton. Anyway, she gets his triton and transforms herself into a skyscraper sized version of herself with a voice that could be compared to Barry White with a head cold. An absolutely terrifying sight, I saw Disney on Ice as a kid and they had a giant Ursula skate around and five-year-old Scors nearly pooped his osk kosh bigoshes when he saw this.

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2. Scar (The Lion King) – In my opinion, Scar is the GOAT Disney villain but when it comes to diabolical plots, he ranks number two on this list. This disgruntled Lion who again his named Scar because he has a Scar on his face, creative name yet again, devises a plot to murder his brother, exile his nephew and take over the kingdom. He does this with the help of a pack of dimwitted and insane hyenas. There’s also a very uncomfortable scene where Scar sings his signature song “Be Prepared”, he stand on a cliff and watches hundred of hyenas march beneath him as if he is a communist dictator, seems way too real for a Disney film and in today’s day and age I don’t think this scene would ever be but into a Disney film. But this was the early 90’s when Disney film making was apparently the wild west. Scar actually launches his brother to his death by being trampled by a herd of wildebeest (spell check on that). He also allows the Pride Land to become desolate and barren to the point that the lionesses are starving, and Pride Rock looks like downtown Detroit. The pride land catches fire and ultimately Scar is defeated by Simba, restoring order, thankfully.

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1. Cruela DeVil (101 Dalmatians) – This is plain and simple, the plot of this villain is that she wants to kidnap puppies, skin them alive, kill them and create a coat for herself made from Dalmatian fur. I repeat, skin and kill puppies, in a Disney movie. This would be hardcore for Tarantino and even he would probably choose against this type of sinister plot. She is the definition of psychotic and Disney park visitors wear her face around on a tee shirt like it’s nothing, pretty frightening premise for a 1950’s children movie.

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So there you have it, some of the wildest, creepy, and sinister villains to ever grace the silver screen all stemmed from the brainchild of Walt Disney himself. Wild, wild stuff.