The Bachelor Episode IV: Cleveland Rocks!

Welcome back everyone! Episode IV of the Bachelor is live and I will be blogging throughout the show once again. Lets get to it:

Another morning in the Bachelor mansion as the girls huddle around and discuss the departure of Alayah. Chris Harrison arrives, looking like an absolute stud, per usual. He informs the ladies that they will be to one of the most beautiful, artistic and cultured places on Earth ….. Cleveland, Ohio.

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Give em’ the heater Petey

Peter is waiting for the gaggle of ladies as they walk through Cleveland and discuss how beautiful the downtown area of Cleveland is, they enter the Hilton Hotel overlooking Lake Erie and you would think they just punched their ticket to Shangri-La. The date card arrives and Victoria F. secures the first date as Mykenna begins to hysterically cry yet again.

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The stunning beauty of Downtown Cleveland, Ohio

Victoria F who has made a few major strides in the last couple weeks is obviously on Peter’s radar. She meets Peter at an airport and Peter says she looks “adorable” … Yikes, adorable? Not the greatest compliment to receive after Victoria spent 4 hours getting dolled up. She climbs in the cockpit with Peter and she is petrified as Peter takes off into the air. I am slowly starting to realize that Victoria does this high pitch squeal of excitement every time Peter says a word, that’s going to need to stop, immediately. We arrive at Cedar Point, WELCOME TO AMERICA’S FOURTEENTH GREATEST AMUSEMENT PARK! Victoria and Peter go on some of the craziest roller coasters that Cedar Point has to offer. They share a smooch on the tilt-o-whirl, Peter says love is like a roller coaster. How true Peter, you are such a poet!

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Peter’s love for amusement park really shines through when he says that he wants either two or four kids so that no child will sit by himself on a roller coaster when his future family attends Six Flags Great Falls. One more surprise for Victoria, Peter brings her to a Chase Rice concert. Well, funny little anecdote here, Chase Rise and Victoria used to date! Oh, shucks, what a coincidence! In all seriousness, this is a great job by the producers and this is just another example why this show is the greatest piece of Television ever created. Victoria’s face was priceless, she looked like she was going to vomit all over her adorable little outfit.

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Hiya Peter!

Chase Rice looks stunned, Victoria looks stunned but he keeps on performing and Peter is clueless to the former couples love affair. Peter and Victoria dance while her ex-boyfriend sings a song to them. I have seen a lot of awkward things in my life but.this.is.AWESOME! Victoria is singing the words to Peter and Peter goes “oh, wow, you know all the words”. She knows a lot more than the words Petey my boy. Chase is looking at Victoria like he’s going to leave the stage and propose in front of Peter. Peter says this is an absolute dream date and after the concert, Chase and Peter exchange pleasantries and Peter is telling Chase who Victoria is and where she’s from. Chase plays it dumb and doesn’t let on that he knows Victoria. This is wild. Victoria is crying to producers and grabs Chase to talk in private, both of them had no idea that the producers had this little trick up their sleeves. Victoria is hysterically crying and us as viewers are eating it up with a fork and knife.

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If you know, you know.

Victoria and Peter head to their dinner date at the one and only Cleveland City Hall. Peter suggests that when they get married, Chase Rice could sing at their wedding. Maybe we can get a donkey to come into the reception and kick Victoria’s father in the head, that will make her smile I bet! Victoria sits down at dinner and is shaking, she tells Peter that her ex was the music man back at the amusement park. Peter looks stunned, like jaw hit the floor stunned, he sits with his mouth open. She explains that Chase’s lifestyle led to her breaking it off with him, Peter is not happy that she didn’t tell him at the concert and how could she dance and make out with him while her ex was singing to them. Victoria gets up and leaves Peter while she explores through the dark halls of the Cleveland City Hall.

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The group date card arrives at the hotel and the clue is “Lets tackle love together”. Kelsey wa sleft off the group date which means she will be heading with Peter for a one-on-one date. Thirteen girls will be on the group date with Peter, i’m sure no drama will ensue. Back in the bowels of city hall, Peter goes to console Victoria and tells her that this is not her fault while she cries professing how much she cares about him. Peter sells her guts and courage is remarkable, her honesty is all that Peter wants and Victoria says all she wants is Peter. The lovers share a passionate kiss, not the first time these walls have seen two lovers pin each other against a wall for a lovers smooch, the most romantic place in the mid-west, Cleveland’s City Hall.

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The look of love.

Victoria and Peter share a laugh and a kiss outside while a man sits in a chair on the street and plays the violin. Peter gives Victoria the rose and he says that he is really starting to fall for Victoria. This date is really weird, from start to finish, but I do like Victoria and so far, Peter has been a solid bachelor. I like the way he maneuvers these muddy waters that are filled with drama, crying, lying, and fake laughs. Peter is inching closer to the girl of his dreams. Onto the group date.

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We head to the cathedral of football First Energy Stadium, home of the Cleveland Browns. The Browns have won 17 games in five years. There are fourteen people on this date. The girls are going to compete in a football game, Josh Cribbs was somehow roped into this and is coaching the girls. Victoria P says her back is hurting so she can’t play and she sits on the sideline with Peter while he massages her shoulders and the other girls are doing Oklahoma drills in the rain. The girls are split into two teams, winners stay for a second part of the date, losers go home. The Bachelor Bowl is underway. Sydney is under center and hands it off for an Eliminators TD, they lead the Killer B’s 7-0. The Killer B’s run a pass play to Hannah Ann who is hit like a freight train. Shiann is dominating for the Eliminators, she is like Terrell Davis in Super Bowl XXXII. RUN THE DAMN BALL! With less than a minute to go the Killer B’s try to respond, Kelly is playing QB and draws up one final play to tie the game. Kelly escapes the rush like Eli in SB XLII and heaves it down the field to Deandra who … makes the catch! Shakes a tackle and scores, the Bachelor Bowl ends in a tie. All 13 girls will be spending the night with Peter and the Eliminators sulk in the locker room, wondering how they let that last second play go for a Touchdown, thirteen is a crowd, but not for Peter.

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The group dates starts and Victoria P. who sat out the game, steals Peter away first. What a great strategy by her, win or lose, she was going on the date. That might tell me she’s a bit of a schemer, she says that she can’t wait to cheer on her kids at football and how great of a Dad Peter will be. Shiann calls Victoria a phony and she is livid, she is ready to fore arm shiver Victoria all the way back to the Bachelor mansion. All the girls are getting on each others nerves, the drama has spilled over and some girls haven’t talked to Peter at either of the last two cocktail parties because of the Alayah drama. Well speak of the devil, ALAYAH IS BACK! She shows up and is looking to talk to Peter. BAH GAWD SOMEONE STOP THE GROUP DATE, THAT’S ALAYAH’S MUSIC!

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Alayah steals Peter away from Shiann. She says she needed to see Peter again before she went home for good. Mykenna is grilling Shiann about what Alayah said nobody knows what is happening. Alayah says that Peter was manipulated by the rest of the house when he sent her home. Alayah says that Victoria P was blatantly lying to Peter and that she lied right to Peter’s face regarding their level of friendship before the show. Alayah claims that her and Victoria P spent a lot of time together and Victoria’s story that they barely knew each other was a falsehood. Peter confronts Victoria and she fesses up right away that they went on a trip to Vegas together. I liked Victoria P but she is putting on the crocodile tears pretty heavy right now, fake crying 101. Now the girls start to discuss Victoria’s ways when the cameras are off, we have a little bit of two-facing going on and Peter better solve it. Alayah, Peter and Victoria sit down for a chat to figure out the confusion. It seems that Victoria was lying, Alayah claims she has text messages, pictures to prove their friendship. Victoria keeps referring to “her truth” , what does that mean, there’s not two versions of this story, not her truth or that truth, or this truth, just one truth. Peter is sick of the bullshit and realizes that Victoria might not be who she thought she was, oh how the tables have turned, we have some story telling going on in episode IV of Pilot Pete’s quest for love.

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Heads: They are both crazy – Tails: They are both crazy

Peter tells Alayah that he regrets sending her home and he apologizes to her , he realizes he made a mistake in sending her home. Alayah says she believes things between them were going so good until the girls got involved, Peter agrees and asks Alayah to come back into the mansion. Alayah says she wants to come back and the two of them embrace as he grabs her hand and heads downstairs to the remaining ladies. Peter explains to everyone how he is feeling and how he is attempting to “follow his heart”. He grabs the rose off the table and gives it to Alayah. Sweet Mother Cabrini we have drama, the tensions are soaring, the girls are miserable, they are pissed and they are ready to claw Alayah’s eyes out of her head. We have a new villain in the house and drama has risen from the dead. Alayah is public enemy number one.

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The next morning all of the girls feel disrespected by Peter and they say that Peter will be called on the carpet to answer their questions and concerns. Kelsey and Peter meet for their date to explore downtown Cleveland and Peter tells her of the news that Alayah is back in the house. Kelsey says she thinks it is good that Peter is exploring his heart and feelings, the reaction was extremely mature and Peter liked that reaction a lot. Their first stop is at a Pierogi street cart for some lunch and then some polka dancing outside in the middle of the city. I’d rather have to live in Swagger Jr’s doghouse then go on this date, I mean can we think of a more mundane and awful date for national television. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, Peter brings Kelsey to the Cleveland soap box derby! It’s like we stepped into a shitty Midwestern time machine and catapulted into a time when the men of that generation would have slapped me in the face for being a dedicated lover/blogger of the bachelor.

Best part of the Cleveland Browns. Swagger The Dog

The date comes to a close on a Captain JP Cruise Line look-a-like on the polluted banks of the Cuyahoga River. There share champagne and laugh about night one when Kelsey got sprayed with the champagne like every Instagram college girl ever. Well, we then get serious and Kelsey begins to tell Peter about her parents divorce and how it crushed her and how her Dad left to live in Mexico and started a new family.

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Live look @ Kelsey’s Dad

In good news, Peter tells Kelsey he could see them ending up together and he gives her the rose as they share a boat ride underneath the fireworks. He reiterates that Kelsey could be his future wife. Power moves only.

Back at the mansion, Alayah has told EVERYONE that Victoria F and Chase Rice used to date. She gathered a bunch of information from the internet and is spreading it to all the girls like wild fire. Well, Victoria is not having that and she is confronting Alayah and the gloves are off. Victoria calls her actions absurd, she goes onto call her a manipulator and mocks Alayah and calls her a fake bitch. The ultimate hay maker in Bachelor Nation. Not a single girl in this house likes Alayah and I think Peter might be in for a rude awakening with the rest of the girls who want Alayah gone.

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Nice.

Peter is being crushed by all the girls, they broke their backs on the football field and the rose that was meant for them went to the Alayah. Peter stands up for himself, he tells the girls that this is what he needed to do. He asks Victoria to talk and she says she doesn’t want to talk with him, she says that Peter is being manipulated and that Alayah has already been causing more drama since she has been back. Victoria P says that Peter needs to talk to Victoria F to understand the type of person Alayah actually is. Back inside the house, Alayah is being ridiculed by the rest of the girls, she is being called fake and a “pot stirrer”. Victoria F tells Peter that Alayah went and told the entire house about the Chase Rice situation and Peter begins to realize that he has made some bad decisions regarding the Alayah situation

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Peter is ripping apart at the seams, he is confused and realizes that he is hurting the majority of the house. The drama has carried over and there is complete chaos with the lack of clarity and Alayah has sucked everyone in, how will this drama be resolved? Well, we will have to wait until next week. Talk about a cliffhanger, TO BE CONTINUED… See you all for Episode V of the Bachelor.