The Bachelor Episode III: Pillow Talk

Welcome back everyone, Episode III of Pilot Pete’s quest for love is here. The previews look intense, I have high expectations for this episode. Hopefully we get some fireworks. My wife has been working the previous two Monday’s so this is our first episode of the season watching together, If wifey has any spoilers, I will refuse to listen or comment on them. She is notorious for reading ahead, I will have NONE of this. We must be true to the continuity of this love story. Lets get to the episode:

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We start the episode with Hannah Ann and Kelsey crying their eyes out in the morning. Both of these girls are becoming unbearable, some of the girls are on Kelsey’s side and some are siding with Hannah Ann. The consensus is that the girls in the house are sick of this drama and they feel that it is taking away from their time with Peter.

Victoria P. gets the one-on-one date and Peter dragged his best flannel shirt out of storage and whisks Victoria up in the hills for their date. We drive along with the happy couple in an old-school pickup truck and we are in Peter’s home town where they buy each other Cowboy boots. Remind you, we are in California, huge cowboy culture along the beaches and Hollywood blvd. These dates become more awful every week.. oh wait, they are now in full cowboy/cowgirl gear, hats and all and go to a bar with a bunch of random people with a band we have never heard of is playing. The bachelor has done more for no-named bands that we never hear from again than any other form of media in the history of the World. Victoria admits she is falling for Pilot Pete and she orders a white wine… wait, lets rewind, in the car ride to the dress up barn, Kelsey agreed with Peter that she loves red wine because Peter said it was his favorite. Hmmm the deceit and lies begins, I have my eye on you Victoria, well any red blooded American would have their eyes on her but I have different reasons, I am the gate keeper of Pete’s heart, I can’t have their relationships foundation be laid on a bed of lies.

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Sweet flannel shirt bro

The “Bully Battle” between Kelsey and Hannah Ann sit down, it’s like Frost/Nixon, Jim Rome/Chris Everett, Couric/Palin. The sit down we all like to see. The absolute nonsense of this argument is insane, Hannah Ann begins to sob and say she is not a champagne stealer, Kelsey responds back and doubles down on her bitchy princess comment. The rest of the girls in the house make fun of both of these girls behind their back.

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Is Kelsey in the category of these infamous wedgie givers?

Victoria and Peter set up a table inside of an airplane hanger filled with food that will never be eaten, in typical bachelor fashion along with some cocktails. Wait is Peter associated with aviation in some way? The couples begin to chat and Victoria really opens up to Peter, fighting through tears, she explains why she is a nurse and caregiver. It stems from her mother’s addiction and taking care of her younger sister and how she was driven to leave it behind and get married and have a family. Peter seems genuine concerned and understanding, this seemed like an unusually real moment between Victoria and Peter. You gotta remember, things that seem insanely quick to mention, have to be mentioned because the girls only get limited time with Peter, that’s why it is phenomenal television.

Victoria and Peter agree that the stars are aligning in their relationship…. Then Peter says as he was praying to God about their relationship, a shooting star flashed across the sky. I pray to god every single day, not sure if shooting stars and religion correlate but I can go for that, nice story by Peter. BUT then he goes onto say that nobody in his life has inspired him more than Victoria. Wait, what? Pete my boy, I know we have to move quickly but to say that nobody in your life has inspired you as much as this girl is falling for this complete line of bullshit… wait, she is believing it? HOOK. LINE. SINKER. Victoria ate this three course meal of bullshit with a fork and a knife. They climb into a plane, she straddles him and they make out. Lovely.

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Don’t you know that you are a shooting star?
And all the world will love you just as long
As long as you are

The door knocks and a date card has entered the building. Group date contestants are as followed: Keira, Sarah, Tammy, Kelley, Shiann, Savannah, Sydney and Alayah. A battle between Sydney and Alayah is developing. Alayah gets into a Pilot’s hat, drunk and begins to say how she is a good girl but wants to join the mile high club with Peter. Innocently enough, drunk off your ass at 4pm chugging wine and sitting on a counter top in a bikini top and pilot’s hat. If I had a dollar for every-time I was in that situation from 2012-2018 I’d be a very wealthy man.

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The next morning all is quiet in the house and Demi (former contestant) on the Bachelor emerges with two ladies who start slapping the sleeping contestants with pillows to wake them up. Demi gets on a bull horn and begins to scream at all the “bitches” to wake up. Demi, the self proclaimed Queen is here to help Peter, she is planning a date with two girls named Champagne and Killer. They are dressed in glammed up roller rink outfits. The girls are all given pajamas to wear for their date, some have lingerie, some have night gowns, all different styles, oh the hilarity!

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We enter a sexy style pillow fight in the middle of a bar filled with screaming female bachelor fans. Demi’s Extreme Pillow Fight Club is underway. Chris Harrison and Fred Willard are commentating ringside. LETS GET READY TO SLUMBER, thanks for that awesome line Chris Harrison, never change my man. Alayah and Sydney battle it our for the title, there is hair pulling, take downs, pillows to the face, biting, the works. Alayah is crowned the champion and shares a full make out session with Peter in front of all the girls and the fans. Sydney is out for vengeance, the feud is on.

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The group dates continues at a hotel, having drinks around a fire pit. Alayah grabs Peter for some alone time. Initial reactions are that Alayah is fake, I think there are some serious ulterior motives brewing here. Peter says he has been thinking about her and he is really excited about her and Alayah says she has aspirations to be a pilot wife. The energy is working for both of them, Peter seems into her and I think that is going to end poorly. Sydney reiterates my feelings about Alayah. Sydney asks Alayah if she has a job outside of being a pageant Queen, Alayah begins to go into the struggles of the pageant world and basically that she is capable of rehearsing answers to get what she wants. Sydney with a walloping question of “do you work, like are you a bum who sits at home and never works, I am trying to be respectful but are you just a beauty pageant contestant who gets money from mommy and daddy”. Electric line of questioning. Alayah doesn’t catch on and gives us all her resume and her career pageant titles she has been able to knock down.

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Kelley and Peter get some time by themselves and Peter expresses how strongly he is feeling for her. Kelley is one of my favorites, I think she is real, she’s an attorney, she’s smart, she’s grounded and very attractive. I think they would work well together. Hopefully, Peter actually is feeling what he is telling her because so far, she is one of, if not the most normal girl out of the bunch.

Sydney and Peter sit down and she tells him that there are “certain girls” who are playing to the camera. She is putting Alayah in the crossfire, without naming names. This is Peter’s biggest concern, he witnessed Hannah B choosing the wrong/fake person in Jed. Peter is a good dude, he really is, this is a problem for him and he is concerned that he is being played by some people here. He calls all the girls together and he tells them that rumblings of foolery are occurring in the house. Peter calls out Sydney and asks her to name names. She doesn’t hesitate, Alayah it is. The cat is out of the bag, Alayah wants someone to support these claims, nobody pipes up. Peter is agitated and he says if this is for the cameras it is time for people to leave. He storms off, visibly pissed. Alayah and Sydney start jawing with each other, the girls know that Sydney is right, nobody says it but it is obvious and Peter knows it too. Alayah goes and tracks down Peter, she puts on the show for him, the crocodile tears, the cracking voice. DO NOT FALL FOR THIS PETER. DO NOT. Too late, he talks to the camera and says he likes Alayah but wait, a glimmer of hope, he says he respects Sydney for bringing this to the forefront. Time to hand out the date rose, it goes to … Sydney. Let’s go! That a boy Peter, way to go man, seeing through the bullshit, the mark of a true bachelor leading man.

Sydney named names

POOL PARTY at the mansion. No cocktail party, we are going to go from the pool to the rose ceremony. The girls need to make a major impression on Peter, especially the ones who are on the fence of moving on. Peter shows up and says the doubt is creeping in and he thinks there are girls who are here for “all the wrong reasons”, the classic Bachelor line. Peter grabs Sydney who is still holding her rose from last night and he apologizes for calling Sydney out to confess the fake girl in the house. They share a kiss and she advises Peter to ask as many questions as he can today, of all the girls who he is concerned with. One by one, the girls go talk with Peter and they are spewing their guts, Alayah is two different people, she is fake. The majority has spoken. This is a telling sign, Sydney was evidently spot on. Alayah grabs Sydney, and there is going to be another name calling match in the bungalow. I mean, I have never been more confident in someone being”fake” on this show, Alayah needs to go, Sydeny is standing her ground and she is moving up the charts in my book, speaking of books:

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So fetch

Intermission time, I have gone with popcorn for my snack back to back weeks but tonight, changed it up. I went with a delightful bowl of very berry cheerios, I am dieting for the next two and a half weeks for my vacation (minus super bowl). Can I have a body like Pilot Pete’s in that time frame? I am pretty sure that’s realistic, goodbye dad bad, hello GQ.

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Live look at Scors

Madison is Peter’s favorite, he gazes into her eyes like I gaze upon the rare site of a KFC/Taco Bell hybrid restaurant. This is, dare I say it, L.O.V.E.
Alayah comes and hunts down Peter and asks him to have ANOTHER conversation, this episode has been rerun conversations from Alayah and Sydney, not much else, but we need these weeks to establish a base line. Peter tells her that he is concerned by her and he needs to guard his heart. Alayah expresses her feelings for him and Peter is not buying it, you can tell.. Nevermind, he tells her that she believes him and he is so drawn to her. Damnit Peter, the entire house just proceeded in like the Notre Dame football team in “Rudy”, laying their jerseys on the coaches desk one by one and told you that this girl is fakester.

Peter might have been leading her on a bit, he goes and grabs Victoria P. another miss USA beauty contestant and she begins to shed some dirt on Alayah. Apparently, Alayah told Victoria P to not tell the producers that they knew each other and that she was excited about potential employment opportunities if Pete chose her to be his wife. Victoria P, might have been the straw that broke the camels back. Peter grabs Alayah once again and tells her that the confusion is mounting, “the heart says one things and the head is screaming stop it” according to Pete.

Peter tells Alayah that the entire house, including the custodians, chefs, limo drivers, Chris Harrison, gardeners and every single person who has watched this show thinks she is the fakest person they have ever met. He calls her out on the bullshit cover up story of her telling Victoria to be hush hush with the Producers. Alayah is one of the best bad actors I have ever seen on this show, the forced crying, the smiles, the change in her voices, it’s all there, time to drop the hammer Pete, it is time to send her home. Chris Harrison informs the girls that Peter is emotional, confused and he has left, next stop, rose ceremony.

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“Peter is emotional, confused and oh yeah, this is our most dramatic season ever” (wink and gun)

It’s rose ceremony time and emotions are running high. Alayah decided to wear a low cut dress showing off the cleavage, pulling out all the stops to try and hang on for a rose. Hopefully our boy Pete isn;t blinded and does the right thing. Victoria P, Victoria F and Sydney, secured roses on their dates, they are safe. Chris Harrison enters the room and asks Peter to make his selections. The first rose goes to Kelsey, followed by Hannah Ann, Natasha, Lexi, Madison, Shiann, Kelley, Kiara, (throughout the ceremony Mykenna cries and is beyond annoying) Tammy, Savannah, Deandra and … Peter walks away to have a conversation with Chris Harrison. The two huddle up like a mound visit between Tommy Lasorda and Fernando Valenzuela. A meeting of the minds in the hallway, strategy is discussed, Chris asks Pete “what are you going to do” Peter is unsure as we head to a commercial break with only 10 minutes in the episode remaining. Two roses are left to be distributed.

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Chris Harrison returns and removes a rose to add to the drama. One rose left and it goes to Mykenna. Goodbye Alayah. What a move by Peter, good for you brother. Peter listened to the masses and sends her home. A champagne toast by Peter, first mention of champagne on this episode, so good work there. The evening has ended and the girls head back to their rooms, knowing that the drama is just beginning. Wait a minute, Peter doesn’t want Alayah to leave and he asks the producers for a minute to consider what he just did. Peter says he doesn’t think he can let her leave and he can’t move past this. Like I said earlier, hook, line, sinker. Cliffhanger, will Alayah be back? Well if you watch the preview, next week is going to be one for the ages, get ready to buckle up and dive into another drama filled episode.

See you next week for Episode IV of the Bachelor!