You’ve seen the ads. You know the story. The State Farm guy and Aaron Rodgers. It’s time to take a stand. I’m done with State Farm and I’m taking the other guy.
Let’s start from the beginning. Aaron Rodgers, the perpetually malcontent Green Bay Packers quarterback, has his sports agent, Gabriel. And Rodgers, who, for some totally unknown reason, shifts gears and seemingly replaces him with his State Farm agent.
Now I get it. Gabriel is a bit much. He’s loud, he’s cocky, he’s in your face, and he’s got a Bluetooth headset. He’s a douchebag sports agent in LA. But what else does Gabriel have? Commitment. Passion. Fervor. Honesty. Integrity. I like it.
Then there’s the State Farm agent. A quiet, humble man in his modest red button down emblazoned with the State Farm logo. The working man. The common man. A man of the people. It’s where he won our hearts over and its where this state farm snake oil salesman had us beat.
Rodgers replaces his sports agent and now takes his cues from his auto, home, and life agent at State Farm. No not his agent at the Hartford, not New York Life, not Travelers, not Allstate, no not even fucking Progressive. State Farm. Gun to my head I couldn’t name one self-respecting adult who has State Farm as their insurer. State Farm is the insurer posted up as the last tenant at every abandoned strip mall in America. You walk in there’s dirt on the floor, a guy working at a steel desk, oh and the office doubles as a boost mobile. The dumpster of insurers and Rodgers goes with this guy.
It starts with Gabriel going over to Rodgers house and the State Farm agent is there. Big red flag. Why is your insurance agent at your house? Did you invite him over? What could possibly prompt a house call from your insurance agent. It’s a phone call and a visit to a website and an online chat with a robot at that. Now he’s in your home that’s some serial killer shit right there.
Gabriel, understandably shocked that he’s been replaced by a car insurance agent, asks whats going on and Rodgers informs him he has two agents. Two “AGENTS?” I don’t know much about the art of negotiation but Im pretty sure the guy who handles your multi-million dollar contract with an NFL team is the agent but what do I know.
Fast forward to this season and the tables have turned. State Farm has completely taken over. Him and Rodgers are everywhere together and Gabriel is having depression and night terrors over it. He even has some type of psychotherapy where he imagines both teams are state farm and their starting qb’s are aaron rodgers and patrick mahomes and the stadium’s capacity is 19,000 state farm agents and he wakes up and his psychiatrist is the State Farm agent. What the fuck is happening?
This State Farm agent has slid right in and snaked Rodgers right out from under him and Aaron Rodgers just rolls over and lets it happen. AND some other state farm bum takes his other client, Patrick Mahomes. You have not 1 but 2 of the biggest QB’s in the nfl as your clients and you let them get stolen by State Farm? I might kill him. That should be the commercial. Gabriel sets him up and gets him in an alley and finishes him off. Story line goes from a nice chuckle to a State Farm agent getting stabbed to death. THAT would be a fucking insurance commercial.