the poinsetta aka the bachelor review pt 2

The bachelor, the bachelorette, summertime bachelor I can’t keep them straight but its that time of year again where some lucky dude gets 30 petty, cat clawing, and completely unhinged smoke shows throwing themselves at some guy they don’t even know and he’s got to make an uneducated guess and marry one after 2 months. Scors put together a post on this already and he follows the show religiously and has an encyclopedic knowledge of the material but I thought I might weigh in and give our reader’s a layman’s idea of the show so if you’re looking for an in depth perspective -this ain’t it. So let’s begin.

First off, a rose is actually a great name for the show. Sure it means “love” and all that, but what does it really symbolize? Time. Yes, time. Have you ever had a rose? It dies immediately. What also dies immediately? This guy’s interest in each of these women and their time on the show. Is that what it’s supposed to symbolize? Of course not but now you won’t think of anything else. 

Now a poinsetta. That’s a reliable plant right there. Good times, bad times -it’ll be there forever. Leave them in the sun, leave them in the rain, forget to water them for 3.5 years it doesn’t matter you literally cant kill them. You buy one after thanksgiving for some Christmas decorating and you have it into the spring. Plus imagine the rose ceremony and you get handed a poinsettia in a plastic pot with some decorative holiday wrapping, I’d take that. But those last forever and the love on this show is fleeting and dying so maybe stick with the rose? 

Image result for poinsettia

Normally I would advise against this show. From the show’s premise right down to the advertising -It’s geared for the ladies and that’s fine. Women are inundated with fantasy football, march madness, hockey and every other male-centric programming so we’ll call it even. 

Moving on. This year is some guy named Captain Pete. He flies for Delta and to be perfectly honest I’d take my chances on a Boeing 737 Max across the Pacific before going with this guy as my pilot. I thought he was 19 but he’s actually 25. I also thought the bar was a little higher to fly a plane full of hundreds of people but maybe I’m thinking of a space shuttle where you have to fly fighter jets for a million years before they even let you near the controls but apparently, that’s not the case and anyone can get behind the figurative wheel. He’s also got a post on Instagram that the 747 was his dream to fly? Seriously dude? Real top gun shit there. Bouncing between delta sky clubs at LaGuardia and O’Hare doesn’t sound like “my dream” but whatever I work a desk job and can’t talk shit. Also pretty sure this guy came up second to Hannah B. And if you have watched the bachelor before, Hannah B was the one who couldn’t land Colton, struggles putting sentences together, and says roll tide so many times you would’ve thought she had a concussion. So right off the bat this guys got some questionable judgment.  

There are 20-30 women and they all fit some generic profile so there’s really no point in diving into any of them.

“23 marketing denver” 

“27 real estate fort lauderdale” 

21 flight attendant dallas”

You get it. 

Did I mention each of these ladies have to live together? What’s the worst that could happen? Here’s a shocker it’s an absolute shitshow. It’s like if you’ve ever been out with a girl and some friends and you go to grab a round and some chick pulls up next to you and starts chatting you up and your girl loses her shit. Yeah, that’s kinda what it’s like except this time this lucky bastard isn’t even dating any of these women and they have to fight each other for him. For those first time viewers, it gets real lord of the flies real quick. The women do their usual passive-aggressive shit-talking backstabbing and beyond that the show’s got some great theatrics the producers blow out of proportion, so it can actually make for some great TV. 

It’s a Monday night you have nothing better to do. Monday Night Football is over, college football is basically done, and minus regular season nhl and nba were in a holding pattern til baseball, so tune in what else do you got going on.