Collective sigh as Coconut Shrimp is victorious

I love to eat. Probably one of the top three things I enjoy doing, I will let your minds run wild as to what the other two things are. If there is anything I know, it’s food. As anyone with a functioning brain knows, The Outback is the gold standard for chain restaurants. Steak, burgers, chicken, appetizers, delicious desserts, freezing cold Folgers, a sweet crisp O’Douls (the non alcoholic deliciousness for us recovering alcoholics) or the delicious brown bread they give you to start your dining adventure.

The Outback Bowl has given us a free appetizer the day after the bowl game for as long as I can remember. This year, if the Auburn Tigers won we were getting Bloomin’ Onion baby, the pinnacle of appetizers. You have not lived if you haven’t polished off a Bloomy’ by yourself and squirted diarrhea in a gas station bathroom because you couldn’t make it home from the restaurant. As much as our nation stood behind the 1980 US Olympic Hockey team we stand behind the team playing to give us the free Bloomin Onion every year. Well, the Minnesota Golden Gophers took us out back and kicked us in the teeth, they secured victory and secured a free Coconut Shrimp platter for everyone. Suck it Minnesota. I like shrimp as much as the next mid husky twenty something but when you are up against the Bloomin Onion do the country a favor and have a turnover or two in the second half and let us celebrate 2020 with a fried, greasy pit in our stomachs.

I dream of my house being within Door Dash range of an Outback so I could eat it at least three times a week. I sometimes will log onto Door Dash, like a child on Christmas, anticipating that it will tell me the Outback has been added to your area’s restaurants. In that scenario I envision the dasher dropping off a hot and succulent Bloomin Onion’ not Coconut Shrimp.

Either way, do yourself a favor and head to the Outback tomorrow, enjoy your free red headed stepchild version of this reward and treat yourself to the ultimate chain dining experience.